10 Things I’ve Learned From My Poly Relationships

  1. I am not polyamorous. My heart is not able to open its palms to grasp a handful of heart strings. I’ve had a hard enough time learning to hold onto my own, to not let it go and the thought of holding the tender strings of another, let alone two or three makes my anxiety race. And still my heart opens to those who are not like me.
  2. It’s hard. As a monogamous person with a poly partner, I feel the weight that monogamy bears in this society. The traces of guilt my partner feels when they have a date and I have a break down and they can’t be there for me. That I am suppose to depend on them entirely. Monogamy builds itself clam shell. Two halfs of a whole, sealed shut from the world of possibility incapable of creating a pearl out of fear of the sand it takes to craft it.
  3. I have learned the ways jealousy builds geysers in my throat flooding my heart and mind with anger, frustrations, illusions of my inability to be enough. Bursts of boiling anxiety, paranoia, and need for control. What I’ve learned from my poly partners is that my geysers are natural. Jealousy is a starting point for conversation. That I am allowed to be enough for me, and to expect I am completely and totally enough for another person is unrealistic. We are both allowed to be unrealistic and that means the conversation keeps going. .
  4. Unlike the Universe there is no center for polyamorous relationships. My relationship is a complex expression of needs, desires, joys, and fears. Like a gem fusion from Steven Universe I am Ruby and they are Sapphire together we are Garnet but that does not prevent the creation of Alexandrite, Sugalite, or Sardonyx. Relationships are not a person. They are an experience. One I strive to make a good one.
  5. My relationship is not a race. It is not a competition. My partner is not a prize to be won, they’re partners are not my competitors, and a “happy stable monogamous relationship” should not be trophy on the  mantle.
  6. Intentional communication takes forever. My Aries heart beats without patience most days. Being with you calls me in, calls me to slow my roll, centers me down in this moment with you. Intentional communication takes forever because it is never ending.
  7. My partner. Is not a trend. Is not an outfit to make me fit into some queer aesthetic. My queerness is not dependent on how sharp my edges against the mainstream and polyamory is less sharp than I originally wanted it to be.
  8. Polyamory is soft. Its squishy. Its tender. It’s awkward conversations when you meet your partners partners for the first time. Its reflection. Its growth. Its taking root in your own self worth to see the worth in people you were raised to feel threatened by. Its transforming threats into tenderness. Panic into praise. Competition into compliment. Monogamy into a more complex version of monogamy because I’m still not polyamorous.
  9. Sometimes i want to escape. Find someone who understands how easy it is to just hold onto one other heart string. Find someone who makes talking about who I’m dating into a digestible conversation. Even this list is a digestible conversation. But then I think about you. How you care so much about me. How you strive to see me succed. How even when society and my anxiety tell me you arent there you are. How on days like today when my body reveals its true colors and getting out of bed feels like someone set fire to my spine, you are there.
  10. What I’ve learned from my poly relationships is that love comes and goes like the summer breeze breeze through front porch windchimes. Love fills the air with music. A symphony of bodies meeting each other as the wind dances through their hair. My relationships are windchimes and while I only touch one chime at a time I will never not call it music.
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  • #my poetry #poem #poetry #list poems #polyamory #poly #monogamy #critical monogamy #queer #lgbtq
  • 3 years ago
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Okcupid is Match.com for queer people.

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  • #LGBT #queer #relatable #gay #homo #lesbian #bisexual #pansexual #ace #asexual #trans
  • 3 years ago
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Being a queer theologian is obnoxious when all the cis-het theologians write LGBTQ and then only talk about gays and lesbians. 

Like. Bro. There are a lot more folks than the “homosexuals”. I feel like I’m going to be making this status for the rest of my life. 

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  • #queer #queer theology #LGBTQ does not mean gay #It does #but it doesn't how you are using it
  • 3 years ago
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Vocations?

Personal Reflections on my vocation as a transqueer Catholic in the Academy of Religion. 

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  • #queer #lgbtq #queer people of faith #lgbtq catholic #catholic #queer catholic #trans people of faith #trans theology #queer theology #healing
  • 3 years ago
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Queer Theology is the theology of baring behinds as an act of protest and defiance against ways of thinking which must be dis-authorised and discredited. Holiness is a Queer path of disruption made by curious amatory practices of adding people to communities of solidarity and resistance, in ways that heterosexual Christian theology has never been able to understand. Issues of sainthood and globalisation show us how un-queer and marketable is holiness under the expansion of capitalism.

Althaus-Reid, Marcella (2004-06-01). The Queer God (p. 149). 
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  • #queer theology #queer god #queer #LGBTQ #anti-colonialism #anti-capitalism
  • 4 years ago
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Like… sometimes I just find myself thinking on all the people in my life. And I cant handle nor accurately describe the love I have for the queer folks in my life. 

I am constantly in awe and inspired by them. They are all so freaking powerful, beautiful, and, just so, fucking revolutionary. I just want them all to know how much having them in my life actually pulls me through the shitstorm that is this world. 

I see God, the Divine, the Universe, (whatever spiritual way I connect to this place) the most in the queer community, and especially in the queers in my life. 

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  • #queer #queer people are so important #i love all of them #so much #I can't even
  • 4 years ago
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Sometimes it doesn’t get better, sometimes you just age-out.

worsethanqueer:

The older I get, the more I realize that the issues and necessities of queer youth are often the same for queer adults but there are not as many queer adult organizations. 

This is probably due to the unspoken myth that queer adults don’t exist. We die (either by aids or suicide) or we grow out of our queer phase and assimilate. There is recently some gay adult media representation but it’s hardly ever accurate and often those character do die. 

There are things that adult queer people need just like youth: 

  • needing sober spaces/queer events outside of bar culture 
  • Homelessness 
  • Bullying/harassment/discrimination 
  • Suicide prevention 
  • Community building opportunities that are accessible 
  • Family mediation 
  • Transition support and resources including a safe place to get clothing and other applicable donations 
  • Sexual orientation and/or gender questioning support because not everyone know they’re queer when they’re younger 
  • Ect

What happens when you age out? If you’re lucky, yr organization extends to 22 or even 24years old. Where are the queer homeless shelters for adults? Where are the resources and the spaces you can go and the events for you? What do you do if you just found out you’re queer and you’re 25 or 30? 

I’m not the first person saying this shit but it just becomes more and more apparent as me and my friends become queer adults so I thought I’d bring it up..

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  • #THIS #THIS I WILL SHOUT FROM MOUNTAIN TOPS #Queer #LGBTQ #Queer Adulthood
  • 4 years ago
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  • #YESSS! #marking for future reference #queering Judaism #queer
  • 4 years ago
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This is Jesus School: Happy Easter

Went to a very gay church Easter vigil. We are now celebrating the Risen Lord with a dance party and mimosas in the Church basement.

Champagne was bought by the Bishop of Boston.

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  • #queer #at #jesus #school
  • 4 years ago
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I am doing a guest lecture on “The Queer art of StoryTelling” and I am hitting a road block of what I want to do… 

SO I ask all of you! 

What does “Queer Stories” mean to you?

What do “Queer Stories” look like? 

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  • #queer #lgbtq
  • 4 years ago
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On affirming Churches

One thing that I have realized through self-reflection and discernment on this song and these words, is that if your Church is Welcoming, Affirming, Reconciling.

It needs WELCOMING, AFFIRMING, and RECONCILING to ALL LGBTQIA people. Especially the TRANS WOMEN OF COLOR, the DRAG QUEENS, the FAGGOTS, the SEX WORKERS, the FEMMES, the QUEERS, and the QUEENS.

If your Church only welcomes the Ellen Degeneres and Neil Patrick Harris Gays you are failing the entire LGBTQueer community and the LGBTQueer movement.

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  • #christianity #Christian #lgbtq #queer #faggot #slurs #sex workers
  • 4 years ago
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  • AnonymousI'm wanting to join the Catholic Church, but I fear being openly gay and a member. How do you deal with this?
  • It is hard for me to speak towards conversion to Catholicism because I was raised in the faith and in the culture, but I will try my best! There is no easy answer. Historically the Catholic Church has fucked over the queer and gay community time and time again. There is a unique and powerful history there, but yet queer and gay Catholics still exist.

    I do want to tell you, that every queer/gay/sexual and gender minority Catholic integrates their faith identity and their gender/sexual identity differently. For me, my queerness and my Catholicism aren’t contradictory or bring conflict into my life. This is not saying that how the two co-exist is one without turmoil, but rather it is in the tension created by this existence, that I have come to understand God* and Christ. 

     I love God*. I love Christ. I find the most feeling of being whole during the Eucharist at Mass. Mass is a time to be in solidarity with Catholics all around the world, while simultaneously being in a close personal union with God. The journey to experience the Church in this way hasn’t been easy. I went through a period where I hated God, I hated myself. I have worked for the Church almost my entire post-high school career and have almost been fired, called a heretic, forced back into the closet over and over and over again. It got so bad that at one point I would have panic attacks during mass. I would sit in the pew crying and shaking, paranoid that everyone in my community didn’t want me there. That I was “too out”, “too gay”, not a “good enough” Catholic. And the only time the panic would stop was during the Eucharist, and as soon as the meditation period after Communion would end the panic would come back. But I remained. 

    What that time in my life taught me is that there is no such thing as a “good Catholic”. The “holier-than-thou” mentality is one developed in insecurity. And through coming to terms with who I am and how I hold my faith in my hands,  my life changed for the better.

    Being queer or gay in the Catholic Church is not easy. Some take the route of embracing their sexuality in line with Catholic Doctrine, they don’t identify as gay but rather individuals with “Same-Sex Attraction” (often abbreviated to SSA). For them that is how they integrate, what our world says are two separate identities, and come to terms with who they are. Focusing their attention onto friendships and fostering holiness through celibacy and chastity.

    Others are denounce the Church, say they are “non-practicing” and embrace the Rainbow flag with open arms and open hearts, but there is a culture in Catholicism that is hard to let go of. I once found a collection of short stories, essays and poems all written by Queer Catholics and their narratives are filled with pain, sadness, joy, love, confusion, and revelation. They haven’t let go of the Church entirely, and if they have, that’s okay. 

    And then there are some like me. I don’t see my sexuality in conflict with my religion. I don’t see that my communities are entirely separate. My sexuality is Catholic and my religion is Queer. I am chaste but not celibate. I am loved by God* and those who have a problem with that, need to unpack some shit.  I am wholely holy. No part of me was unintended by God*. And as I dive deeper theologically with my life I am being tested, but that is one truth that God* has revealed to me.

    Queer Catholics, and Queer people of Faith, have an important role in the world. We experience the world through a plethora of lenses all at once; finding liberation in things that society has tried to ingrained as filled with hate. We have a unique perspective of compassion. We have a unique perspective on the power of prayer. We have a story to tell and this coming era is the time to finally let our narratives be shared. 

    I will not sugar coat this response with “The Catholic Church is a beautiful community of love and support! Please Come Join Us!” because for queer folk thats not always true. But I will say that the challenges that have been placed in my life because of my faithfilled sexuality and my sexual faith, have allowed me to experience the world in a much more fulfilling way. It has made me socially conscious. It has made me re-think history, the present, and the future. It has taught me the meaning of community, of solidarity, of self-love. I will stand with you if you decide to enter this Church and I want you to know that I will be sending you prayers/good feels/positive thoughts, what have you, for your entire journey. It is a long one. And know that your sexuality is not your cross to bear. The cross is the oppression, the pain, the loneliness brought on by society and the joy of the Catholic Church is that we never bear our crosses alone. 

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  • #queer folks of faith #queer #LGBTQ #Catholic #Catholic and gay #SSA #queer catholics #Christian #Christianity #Divinity School #God #Jesus #Gay Jesus #catholic #same-sex attraction
  • 5 years ago
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  • #heteronormativity #lol #queer #gay #LGBTQ #lesbian #emoji
  • 5 years ago
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Confessions Of An Uneducated Queer-

Lauren Zuniga

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  • #one of the most important poems to me #tw: suicide #homophobia #transphobia #queer #lgbtq #poetry #Lauren Zuniga
  • 5 years ago
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The Catholic Church is really bad at receiving criticism and reacting to being held accountable.

Feeling pretty confidently in quitting the Catholic Church… I try to believe I can hold on and make a difference, but having doors slammed in your face and your voice silenced by straight cis folks… I’m so not about this life, and anyone who tells me that God’s love for queer folks is found in the the Catholic Church is full of shit.

I try to be open and willing for dialogue. But it’s become quite apparent that the Church doesn’t want to hear my voice.

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  • #catholic #queer #not ssa
  • 5 years ago
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